Please critique my first character.

[Scud-O]

this is my first M&M character. i will be GMing more than playing, but i wanted to at least make a couple of characters, so that i would be more helpful to my players when they are making characters. So, let me know how he looks. Any glaring rules errors? Any glaring mathematical mistakes? Too many Feats? Too few Skills? let me know, so i can help my players make good characters. Thanks!

Kafka
(PL 10)

Abilities:
Str 20 (+5) +(+10 [Super-Strength]) = +15
Dex 20 (+5)
Con 20 (+5)
Int 13 (+1)
Wis 17 (+3)
Cha 10 (+0)
Total Cost: 30pp

Saves:
Damage +5 (Con +5)
Fortitude +5 (Con +5)
Reflex +5 (Dex +5)
Will +3 (Wis +3)
Total Cost: 0pp

Other:
Initiative +9 (Dex +5, Improved Initiative +4)
Defense +20 (10 base, +5 Dex, +5 bought)
Melee +11 (Str +5, +6 bought)
Ranged +11 (Dex +5, +6 bought)
Total Cost: 11pp

Powers:
Super-Strength +10 (Extras: Leaping, Protection; Power Stunt: Lethal; Source: Mutation; Cost: 6pp)
Combat Sense +5 (Source: Mutation; Cost: 1pp)
Clinging +5 (Source: Mutation; Cost: 1pp)
Super-Senses +5 (Source: Mutation; Cost: 2pp)
Regeneration +5 (Extra: Back from the Brink; Source: Mutation; Cost: 3pp)
Total Cost: 97pp

Skills:
Move Silently +15 (Dex +5, +10 bought)
Total Cost: 10pp

Feats:
All-Out Attack
Attack Focus: Unarmed
Blindfight
Blindsight
Power Attack
Rapid Strike
Takedown Attack
Improved Initiative
Darkvision
Immunity: Radiation
Immunity: Poison
Total Cost: 22pp

Weaknesses:
Disturbing
Disabled: Mute
Total Bonus: 20pp

Gabriel Mohansen was a normal 16-year old boy. That is to say, he felt that no one understood him. His mom and dad cared about and for him; he felt neglected and unloved. His friends were numerous and close; he felt ridiculed and shunned. His teachers encouraged him to keep writing; he knew they didn’t “get” his work. His angst knew no bounds.

Then one morning, Gabriel was awakened by the sound of wood splintering and metal squealing. He tried to stand up, but he was much heavier than he remembered. With a little effort, he leapt off the bed and slammed into the ceiling, were he clung. he looked to his left and caught the reflection in the bedside mirror – a 7’0”, 500lb. hulking bug stared back at him. The sounds he had awoke to were those of his bed giving away under his new mass. His mother opened the door to see what the racket was. She fainted almost immediately. Gabriel tried to wake her, but he couldn’t speak. He was afraid to shake her because he was obviously stronger than he had been. After minutes of frightened inaction, Gabriel leapt straight through the roof of his parents’ home, and bounded eastward, towards Chicago.

He took to the sewers, now knowing what it really meant to be misunderstood, to be alone. He accidentally stopped a rape when he blundered out of a manhole cover and scared the attacker off. The woman fainted from the shock, but at least she was unharmed. Gabriel began trying to be a “hero”. His actions slowly garnered the interest of cub reporter Cassie VanHagey. She dubbed Gabriel “Kafka”, and even though he cannot speak (his insectoid anatomy lacks vocal chords), she has come to understand and become fond of him. And, because of Cassie, Kafka has started to understand himself.

[CASE]

Abilities:
(10pp)Str 20 (+5) +(+10 [Super-Strength]) = +15
(10pp)Dex 20 (+5)
(10pp)Con 20 (+5)
(3pp)Int 13 (+1)
(7pp)Wis 17 (+3)
Cha 10 (+0)
Total Cost: 40pp

Initiative +9 (Dex +5, Improved Initiative +4)
(10pp)Defense +20 (10 base, +5 Dex, +5 bought) BdB is 2pp per rank
(18pp)Melee +11 (Str +5, +6 bought) BaB is 3pp perr ank
Ranged +11 (Dex +5, +6 bought)
Total Cost: 28pp

Everything else is fine... but the character adds to 197 power points

[mgg]

Cute idea.

The only technical problem I have found is his stats should cost 40pp.

If a character were presented to me like this, I would have the following concerns. Of course, you are the GM, so none of these may apply.

The first is, how am I going to fit a mute disturbing character into a group?
Obviously, you might not intend to fit him into a group at all. As an independent mysterious hero NPC, he would be great.

Straight 20s across the physical stats always sends up a warning flare. It might work with this character, though, as a giant bug. It looks to me like you will be asking your players to optimize. Of course, odd stats are never optimized, but your choice of stats is. Intelligence and Charisma are always the first to go. Why the high wisdom?

I think the character has too many combat oriented feats for someone who doesn't have any martial arts training. Unlike the stats, I don't see it for this character. He looks like an optimized brick, rather than who he is intended to be.

However, you are the one setting the standards for the game, and nothing I've said is more than a matter of taste.

[mgg]

Ooops. Missed the BAB, BDB cost.

Ah, something else to watch out for. Back from the brink requires a target roll of 30 on a d20 + regeneration ranks. He could spend a hero point on the roll, but he still will only have a 1 in 20 chance of survival.

[CASE]

I agree about the combat feats, but I would keep power attack as it is not a fancy fighting move. Also just don't bother with odd attributes, a waste of points.

[Scud-O]

boy, do i feel stupid. i was tweaking as i typed (without my book) and forgot that BAB and BDB were more than 1pp each. amd then i misadd the stats. wow. and i think i'm so smart.

Int and Wis should be switched. He was a very smart kid. Just a mistype.

well, i will have to look him over again. i agree about the Feats, the more i think about it. my feeling was that the feats actually came from his inexperience (All-Out Attack and Power Attack being reckless instead of deliberate, for example), but it may not be the right flavor.

i'm gonna have to look at the book again and figure out what to drop/tweak to get him under the 170pp.

as for the weaknesses, i think that Disturbing and Mute could work to make a very interesting character. how does a player communicate with his/her teammates with no verbal. some great roleplay moments there. and Disturbing just means that he best not tramp around in broad daylight, unless accompanied by other, more "friendly-looking", supers.

[DrObvious]

I"ll agree with mgg. I could see an argument for having the 20's, but its a natural anti-powergamer reaction when people see it.

Here are some stats that I think line up more with the concept:

Str: 16
Dex: 18
Con: 20
Int: 10
Wis: 14
Cha: 10

I would suggest tossing these feats:
All-Out Attack
Blindfight
Blindsight
Power Attack
Immunity: Poison (we do have Raid, after all)

And take up the superfeat.. I think its Scent, mabye. Lets you smell real well, whatever it is.

Powers: These sugestions are more based off theme, as I didn't catch anything wrong system wise. Mabye I just don't understand the vision of this character, but here is what I would go for for a super-bug.

Why combat scense? Is it because, as a bug, he's more perceptive? It just doesn't make sense to me.

As a bug, there are alot of great powers you could use instead of superstrenght. Yes bugs are strong, but don't forget how tough they are, plus all kinds of neet tricks they have. I would suggest looking at:

Amazing Save: Fortitude
Paralize - stinger
Drain - poison attack
Dazzle - acid spray
Snare - webbing

[Scud-O]

my original concept for this guy is a huge, stocky beast the same coloration as a cockroach (brown and black), covered in chitinous plates, with huge hands that crush most things he tries to hold. he is tough, strong, and can climb on things. as for the Combat Sense, bugs always seem to know just before you try to squash them, and they scuttle away. it's hard to get the drop on a bug. he would be the Brick of a team, if he were to work with one. i just wanted a brick with more roleplay involved. this kid has more going on than, "Smash bad guys, take punishment." he is learning what he has become, and, through that, who he has always been.

edit -- i also like the idea of something this big being quick and nimble. just a cool visual in my head, i guess.

[Carnifex]

as for the weaknesses, i think that Disturbing and Mute could work to make a very interesting character. how does a player communicate with his/her teammates with no verbal. some great roleplay moments there. and Disturbing just means that he best not tramp around in broad daylight, unless accompanied by other, more "friendly-looking", supers.

right, how are you, the player going to do it? what do you do while the other players and PCs are discussing how to invade the fortress of Dr. Death? you can't say anything, so you (the player) are going to be bored

Unless you take Sign Language as a skill, and the other players do, but at that point I wouldn't give you the full -10 for mute, were I the GM.

I agree that it's an intgeresting concept, buy like playing the wolverine brooding loner, it might not work well in a team

[Scud-O]

i will have to respectfully disagree with you on Mute being a problem. part of the fun of roleplaying this character would be trying to figure out how to communicate and watching as your meaning is misconstrued and/or ignored. bored? only if you let yourself be. i waqs actually trying to find a way to model his breaking everyday objects if he tries to use them, specifically pen, pencils, keyboards, etc. i read a post around here about a flaw like DOESN"T KNOW HIS/HER OWN STRENGTH where without a Will save, everytime you use a mundane object you must resolve an attack first.

anyway, thanks everyone for the interest. this forum is great and you all really help each other out and bring great ideas to the table.

[Carnifex]

Maybe. It might also be annoying to the other players, that they have to play 20 questions/charades with you all the time, which ends up slowing the game . Or they may find fun. YMMV.

You should let us know how it works out.

[mgg]

It's not mute that is the problem, it's not disturbing that is the problem, it's mute and disturbing.

"aaah, giant bug!"

"Wait, he has PC stamped on his forhead, he must be okay."

With the right GM and the right mix of players it could work,
"Hey, isn't it that bug monster we blasted before?"

"Yes, but look he saved the baby from the burning building. Maybe he's okay after all."

"Okay, so he's a good guy. Sorry about blasting you bug man. Thanks for the assist. We'd invite you back to the base, but you are kind of gross."

Later

"Oh look in the paper, bug man is called 'Kafka'."

"I like bugman better."

"I wish he'd stop following us around. He's kind of gross."

"But his heart is in the right place."

"How do you know? Maybe his heart is located in his foot."

etc.

[palehorse]

Speaking from the experience of having run a mute characters as both a PC and an NPC who had to communicate in made-up-on-the-spot sign language, it's a very mixed experience...

The PC was just a pain in the ass, but I was adamant about not breaking character. I finally just had him carry around a notebook and write everything down ("The Stand" anyone?).

The NPC wasn't so bad, since he never really had a lot to say anyway. He was a minotaur with a heart of gold in one of my fantasy campaigns; we had a nice moment where he had to 'tell' the group that his mate and all their young ones had been slaughtered by the bad guys. It was a real Kodak moment; there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

[Strand0]

"... caught the reflection in the bedside mirror – a 7’0”, 500lb. hulking bug ... "

You should give Kafka one or two levels of growth &/or Density.

[Jason Starr]

I"ll agree with mgg. I could see an argument for having the 20's, but its a natural anti-powergamer reaction when people see it.

Here are some stats that I think line up more with the concept:

Str: 16
Dex: 18
Con: 20
Int: 10
Wis: 14
Cha: 10

I would suggest tossing these feats:
All-Out Attack
Blindfight
Blindsight
Power Attack
Immunity: Poison (we do have Raid, after all)

And take up the superfeat.. I think its Scent, mabye. Lets you smell real well, whatever it is.

Powers: These sugestions are more based off theme, as I didn't catch anything wrong system wise. Mabye I just don't understand the vision of this character, but here is what I would go for for a super-bug.

Why combat scense? Is it because, as a bug, he's more perceptive? It just doesn't make sense to me.

As a bug, there are alot of great powers you could use instead of superstrenght. Yes bugs are strong, but don't forget how tough they are, plus all kinds of neet tricks they have. I would suggest looking at:

Amazing Save: Fortitude
Paralize - stinger
Drain - poison attack
Dazzle - acid spray
Snare - webbing

Why change the stats Dr. Obvious?

[Oberoni]

There's nothing wrong with having 20 in a stat.